Self-Compassion

Compassion-Focused Therapy

My own introduction to self-compassion came through a book: Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I picked it up during a period of significant health struggles, when life felt genuinely overwhelming. What I found there shifted something I hadn't known was stuck. The self-critical, self-shaming voice I'd carried for years began to loosen its hold, and slowly, with practice and time, I learned to see and treat myself differently. That experience is a big part of why I do this work.

What is compassion?

Psychologist Paul Gilbert, founder of compassion-focused therapy, described compassion as a sensitivity to the suffering of self and others, paired with a genuine commitment to try to relieve it. It's an orientation toward care, kindness, and non-judgment, directed at another living being.

Self-compassion is that same orientation turned inward. It means extending care towards yourself even when you feel you've fallen short, acted badly, or somehow made yourself undeserving of it. It requires seeing yourself as human, with all the frailty and imperfection that comes with being human. It also involves recognising that we live in a world full of unrealistic expectations that actively encourage self-criticism, comparison, and shame.

Why it matters

When someone offers us compassion, we feel heard and less alone. It doesn't fix the problem, but it often gives us just enough steadiness  and resolve to keep going. The same is true when we direct that care inwards. Self-compassion soothes and reassures. It helps us to regulate difficult emotions like anxiety, anger, fear, and shame, and to manage the physical sensations that come with them. Over time, it builds a sense of internal safety, a confidence that you can face your struggles and your shortcomings without being swallowed by self-criticism. It also creates more room for the moments in life that are genuinely good.