Self-Compassion

I was first exposed to the idea of self-compassion through the book: Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn. When I picked up this book, I was going through some health struggles and was finding life excruciatingly difficult. This introduction to mindfulness and self-compassion shifted something in me I didn't even know was there; it dislodged a self-critical and self-shaming voice and completely changed how I related to myself. With both time, practice, and self-care, I learned how to see and treat myself differently.  I want to help others experience their own self-compassion and kindness as well.

What are compassion and self-compassion? Paul Gilbert, psychologist and founder of compassion-focused therapy, defined compassion as a “sensitivity to the suffering of self and others with a deep commitment to try to relieve it”. It is an attitude or mental outlook that involves directing feelings of care, kindness, and non-judgement and enacting behaviours that reflect that care towards a living being or creature. Self-compassion is when we direct those feelings and behaviours of care towards ourselves—even when we believe we have done wrong, acted badly or foolishly, or behaved in a way that makes us somehow feel undeserving of compassion. Self-compassion requires us to see ourselves as human, with human frailties, weaknesses, and imperfections. Practicing self-compassion also involves the recognition that we all live in a world with a lot of unhealthy and unattainable expectations that foster self-criticism, self-comparison, and shame.  

The benefits of practicing self-compassion are numerous.  When someone is compassionate with us, we feel validated and heard. It may not fix the problem but often buoys us enough to get through or find our way through difficulty. In the same way, directing compassion inwards to ourselves through our self-talk and self-care soothes, reassures, and gives us strength to continue.  It helps us regulate and tolerate difficult or unpleasant emotions like anxiety, anger, fear, sadness, and shame and manage the physical sensations that come with them. Being kind to oneself builds a sense of internal safety, where we know we can navigate difficulties or our shortcomings without constant self-shaming or self-critical thoughts and mind-chatter. Finally, self-support also fosters positive emotions that are linked to well-being, and self-compassion helps us to be present to the fulfilling moments in our lives.